Control+Fear=DEATH

No, it is not yours to open buds into blossom.

Shake the bud, strike it,

it is beyond your power to make it blossom.

Your touch soils it.

You tear its petals to pieces

and strew them in the dust,

But no colors appear and no perfume.

Oh, it is not for you to open the bud into blossom.

He who can open the bud does it so simply.

He gives it a glance and the life sap stirs through its veins.

At his breath the flower spreads its wings

and flutters in the wind.

Colors flash out like heart longing,

the perfume betrays a sweet secret.

He who can open the bud does it so simply.

"Love may drive out fear, but some of us have to take John's challenge (1 John 4:18) from the other direction first. We have to stop being afraid first to be able to make room for love. We can tell another person of our love easily enough. But if we harbor fears at the back of our minds--"Does he really love me? How could he?" or "If I love her, will she really return that love, or will she eventually betray me?"--we are holding back. We're cautious, yes, and perhaps that is sometimes wise. After all, who wants to be hurt? But can love flourish if hemmed in by doubts and fears? No.

I think it's the same with our love for God. Loving faith--handing our lives over to God in complete trust--can't happen when we hold back something out of fear...

Lord Jesus, I put my fears and controls aside today and open my heart to you in trust...

The Best Is Yet To Come...

Miracles

I was reading in Matthew today. Matthew 12:38-45. In this passage, the Pharisees say to Jesus, "Teacher, we want to see a miraculous sign." Jesus answers, "A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a miraculous sign." 


"In trembling insecurity, the disciple pleads for proofs from the Lord that her affection is returned. If she does not receive them, she is frustrated and starts to suspect that her relationship with Jesus is all over or that it never existed. If she does receive consolation, she is reassured but only for a time. She presses for further proofs--each one less convincing than the one that went before. In the end, the need to trust dies of pure frustration. What the disciple has not learned is that tangible reassurances, however valuable they may be, cannot create trust, sustain it, or guarantee any certainty of its presence. Jesus calls us to hand over our autonomous self in unshaken confidence. When the craving for reassurances is stifled, trust happens."

It hit me good today. How often do I ask God to show me miraculous things? To give me proof that He loves me? That I can trust Him? That He's ever present with me? There Jesus was, performing miracles everyday, yet the Pharisees asked Him to do a miracle. They were missing His miracles. They were missing His presence. They were blinded by themselves. What everyday mircales of God am I missing while waiting for Him to show me one that I want to see? What ways is God showing me that He loves me that I'm missing because He's not loving me the way I think He should love me? How is He showing me that I can trust Him that I'm missing because He's not building trust the way that I want Him to?

This is the selfishness that I have to get rid of. I have to stop. God does love me. God is trustworthy. I just have to let go of....self.

Man I hate the flesh.


The Best Is Yet To Come...



Honesty

"There is someone I love even though I don't always approve of what she does. There is someone I accept even though some of her thoughts and actions revolt me. There is someone I forgive even though she hurts the people I love the most. That person is me."

When you ask God to search your heart, you have to understand how dangerous of a prayer that actually is. Because when He searches your heart, you can expect to be shown a lot of things that you don't want to see. Things that you want to deny that are true about yourself. But also understand that the longer you go with these ugly things inside you, the longer they have to feed on you. On your spirit. On your faith.

I've been realizing a lot of things about myself that I don't like. Is it good? Yes, because the things that I don't like about myself, I can begin to work on. But does it hurt? Absolutely. Seeing so many ugly things in my heart is very painful. Being shown all of these things doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be a snap to get rid of them. I can want to be rid of them all day long. But the process of getting rid of them is no easy road. See, these things have been hiding inside of me. They've been hiding behind hurt mostly. Hiding in the darkness. The darkness hides the true size of fears and lies and regrets. The truth is, they are more shadow than reality. So they seem bigger in the dark. When the light shines into the places that live inside you, you start to see them for what they are. Lies are one of the easiest places to run to. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you only have to depend on yourself. But it's a dark place. I don't want to live in a dark place, no matter how "safe" I think it might be. I'd rather live in truth and light that's real than live in lies and darkness that just make me think I have what I want. I'd rather see and know that my heart is ugly right now, knowing it won't always be, than think I'm perfectly beautiful when that's just not true. Honesty is key to accepting the truth. I realize that I spend most of my time and energy trying to acquire what I have determined to be good, and I spend a huge amount of energy and worry fearing what I have determined to be bad. I must give up my right to decide what is good and bad. Because really, I have no idea what is good or bad for me. Only God knows that. Does that scare the hell out of me? Absolutely. So what's true about me right now?

Truths
~I'm a control freak. But I know God is the one who should be in control.
~I'm selfish. But I have a giving heart that wants to break free again.
~I'm dark. But You say I'm lovely.
~I'm poor. But You say I'm beautifully rich.
~I'm hurt and broken. But without struggle, there is no testimony. You heal me, Lord, to fly again.
~I'm a mess. But You can love me back to life.
~I'm scared. All the time. But fear is not safe, and it is not my friend.
~I'm tired of crying. But You tell me to never discount the wonder of my tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak.
~I'm distrusting. But You can build my trust up again.
~I don't know who I am right now. But You are inside me. And that will lead me to my identity in You.
~I am weak. But You are strong.
~I have no fight left in me. But I'm not a quitter either. I will never give up. And I believe You won't either.

 

"Then from on high--

somewhere in the distance.

There's a Voice that calls--

Remember who you are.

If you lose yourself--your courage will follow.

So be strong tonight--

Remember who you are."

The Best Is Yet To Come...

Focus

"The power of focusing can be seen in light. Diffused light has little power or impact, but you can concentrate its energy by focusing it. With a magnifying glass, the rays of the sun can be focused to set grass or paper on fire. When light is focused even more as a laser beam, it can cut through steel. There is nothing quiet as potent as a focused life, one lived on purpose..."
                                                                                         -The Purpose Driven Life

What a powerful picture of the power of light. I was reading in Ephesians 5:8-14. It says:

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light, and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient to in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible."

I am a child of light. God has said to me, "Go light up the world." And I have the power, with my Light, to cut through steel. To cut through chains. To cut through every bit of darkness that comes up against me.

I have to believe this. I claim this.


The Best Is Yet To Come...